It Took Me 20 Years To Forgive My Mother

I grew up with a mother who was spiritually disconnected, emotionally dysfunctional and physically overwhelmed – and she took it out on me every chance she got.

As a result, I grew up with deep core wounds of unworthiness and feelings of being unloved and unwanted.

Have you ever heard the song “The First Cut Is The Deepest”?  Well, I believe that the “mother wound” is the first memory of abandonment and betrayal that we experience, because there is no connection – spiritually, physically or emotionally, like the one you have with your mother.  She is your first love, whether you consciously realize it or not. You chose her before you landed in her womb for God’s sake, and then you hung out there for nine months, totally dependent and “attached” to her very being.

Upon entering this world out of her womb, all your little soul knew was that this woman was your everything – but perhaps her spiritual disconnection and emotional dysfunction got in the way of her loving you, and you then took on the belief that it was your fault, that something was wrong with you.

So, you’ve carried this pain all your life. It distorts your view of yourself and everything around you. These illusions of being unloved, unwanted and unworthy are the driving forces behind most of our decisions.

Forgiveness is imperative to the healing of your core wounds, but you’ve been holding onto this pain and your “story” for so long, forgiveness seems impossible.  

And you know what? From a disconnected consciousness, it is impossible.

The Mother Wound

I cannot put into words the freedom, enlightenment, compassion and self-love that has happened in my life as a result of healing my “mother wound” and finding forgiveness. My original love for my mother has also been restored.

What a gift!

Yes, it is quite a process. There are so many layers of illusions operating in our subconscious mind, that when you heal one illusion, there’s usually another one right behind it to be healed and released.

It has taken me twenty years to feel “safe” enough for those layers to be healed. In that time, I have brought together different modalities to create a singular spiritual practice that won’t take you nearly as long to put into practice, because the tools that took me twenty years to put together, are now laid out in a concise and clear spiritual practice for you.

The first three steps to healing the mother wound are:

  1. Stop doing a spiritual bypass by saying “it’s all in the past and let bygones be bygones”.
  2. Acknowledge and Admit:
    • Acknowledge what happened – Your perception about it may be an illusion, but the facts are real. If you were abused – don’t be in denial about it. Face it and name it. Acknowledge how it made you feel and how it still makes you feel. You can’t repair a car until you take it to the shop and get a clear diagnostic check on what has been damaged.
    • Admit that you can’t change the facts or the experience of what happened. Admit that you cannot and will not EVER change your mother (if she’s still with us). So, stop trying!
  3. Be willing to go to any lengths to change your PERCEPTION about the experience you had with your mother. You can’t change the facts or the experience—you can’t even change your mother—but when you are connected to your Higher Power, your perception about the experience can shift, heal and transform your heart and soul back to that loving, adorable, free and trusting expression of God you were created to be.

Healing Mother’s Day Dread

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. There are many of you who are dreading it or have become numb to it, because of the abuse you have suffered at the hands of your mother.

Here is an exercise on forgiveness I trust will serve you in creating harmony, healthy boundaries and love in your experience right now:

  • Take ten minutes just for yourself to get centered. Close your eyes and take three deep breaths – from the base of your spine, to the crown of your head – hold it – and exhale. Now, I want you to imagine your mother sitting in a jail cell. I want you to see yourself as the jailer standing outside of the cell with the keys dangling from your hip pocket. Take out the keys and unlock the cell doors. Look into your mother’s eyes, and say to her “I grant you mercy for all you’ve done. I commute your sentence. You are free to go. Watch her walk out of the jail cell into the sunlight.
  • Grab your wrist – inhale – exhale and say “peace”.
  • Now, I want you to see yourself sitting behind those bars in the jail cell, and also see yourself as the jailer on the outside of the cell with the keys hanging from your hip pocket. See yourself take the keys and unlock the cell. Look deeply into your own eyes as the prisoner and say to yourself “I grant you mercy. I am commuting your sentence. You are free to go.” Watch yourself walk out of that jail cell into the sunlight, free at last.”
  • Sit with that for a moment. Breath it in and pray this prayer:

    Divine life, infinite presence and unlimited source of all good. I give thanks for my complete healing. I give thanks for the power to forgive my past pains and traumas. I am grateful for the divine power to forgive my mother and all of the mistakes that she has made. I am willing to be willing to see her as an expression of God. I am saying “Yes” to being restored to my freedom, innocence and unconditional love. I may have been born into the appearance of dysfunction, but I was created out of greatness. I return in consciousness to that greatness now! That is my true identity and I claim, name and receive it now! I am grateful. I release this word into the perfect law of the Universe, and I let it be, and so it is. Amen.

I pray that this has been of service to you beloved. It’s one of the powerful processes that have supported me in healing my mother wound.

Yes, it is only the beginning—but a huge beginning. If you are interested in going deeper, email me at ester@esternicholson.com, and let’s set up a twenty minute free consultation to discover how I can best serve you.

I love you,

Ester

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