Are you listening to the signs?
Are you listening to your gut?
Or are you ignoring your intuition, hoping it’s wrong, and that your desire and longing for love conquers all?
Let me share with you my story about having the courage to walk away from someone I really cared about.
I met this guy on a flight back to Nashville. This was at a time in my life when I had totally surrendered to God, and was in the zone. I was feeling good, open, available and receptive to my Higher Power’s will in every area of my life – but looking for nothing specifically.
So I’m sitting in my seat on the airplane, minding my own business, when this really good looking guy plopped down in the seat right next to me. The next thing I knew, we were holding hands and looking deeply into each other’s eyes like long lost soul mates.
It was a magical two-hour flight.
By the time I got home from the airport, which was pretty late in the evening, there was a telephone call from this guy to see if I had arrived home safely. I gotta tell you, after being single for four years, having someone I was attracted to checking in to see if I had gotten home safely was a little like chicken soup to my soul. I liked it!
And we had a very brief, but dopamine packed conversation.
I was so excited as I thought, “Oh my God, this could be “the One”.
I certainly wasn’t in a place of desperation or neediness when I met this person – in In fact, I was doing quite well on my own, but the way this experience had occurred, seemingly out of nowhere, and the magic of it all with someone who I found attractive – had reawakened my feminine, nurturing and sensuous side, and it felt quite nice – I must say.
I looked forward to speaking with him again.
Imagine my disappointment when in our second not so brief conversation, I felt my heart drop, as it became obvious that we were not spiritually, mentally or emotionally in alignment – boy, was I bummed. Even though I wanted him to be “the one”, and I wanted to keep the excitement of it all going, “I knew what I knew”, and my dear friend, you simply cannot unknow what you know!
However, even with knowing what I knew, I decided to not throw away the entire experience based on one telephone call, and I gave it another shot.
Long story short, I found myself having a wonderful (on one hand), but tumultuous (on the other hand) three months with this person. I was feeling very conflicted about knowing what I knew – yet really enjoying being loved on and nurtured in a way that I hadn’t experienced in a long time. I was open to things shifting – but I stayed awake to what I knew in my gut – and everyday, he would say or do something that would confirm what I knew! And I repeat, you can’t unknow what you know!
What did I know exactly?
I knew that this person was not my guy!!!
I knew what my vision of life partnership looked and felt like; I knew what I had prayed for affirmed in my life; I knew who I was, and what was important to me – and I knew that this WASN’T IT!
So, I tried to end it at least four or five times, and then I had the revelation that it simply was not time to leave – even though I wanted to. So, I decided to stop the “insanity and get off the emotional roller” by trying to end a relationship that had clearly been put into my life in order for me to learn, grow and to experience something that was beyond my human understanding.
What do I mean by that?
Well, it’s not always meant for you to walk away from something the moment you realize that it’s not right for you. Sometimes, even when you want to just walk away, the Universe has other ideas, and has put this situation in your life in order make you aware of how often you make decisions based on unworthiness, fear and lack, and to help you get crystal clear about what you really want, and are deserving and worthy of. There are no mistakes, and relationships come into your life to shake up old paradigms – to change and transform you in a way that could not have happened without this particular experience.
And the Universe will not allow you to leave until you get the lesson and the gift.
If you force your exit from a relationship, a job or whatever the case may be, before it’s time, there will be another experience right around the corner that’s even more painful than the one you’re currently in.
A very wise friend of mine said to me, “Ester, when it is time to leave – you won’t be able to stay – if you’re listening and if you stay awake to the inner promptings of your soul.
I had to trust that if what I knew was actually true, that the Universe who loved me, my Higher Power, who knew me better than I knew myself; God/Life that had my back, would never allow me to settle for that which wasn’t for my highest and best good.
I became willing to totally trust in the process. It wasn’t easy, but it quieted down the noise of the insane mental chatter that was creating all this drama and chaos in the situation.
Besides, the yummy stuff was still a little bit too delicious for me to walk away from entirely!
Long story short, the day came when it was time to leave, and I couldn’t stay. The Universe had spoken – and I had been listening.
It said through me: “Your assignment here is up Ester! You’ve learned:
- Unconditional love
- To listen to your intuition
- You’ve been totally honest and transparent through this entire experience
- You have stretched beyond your comfort zone in ways that you have never had the ability to do in past relationships – you were compassionate for both yourself and the other person – in a way that you’ve never been able express in past intimate relationships.
- You have become even more aware of where you get triggered, and the false beliefs that trigger you, and have surrendered those beliefs to be healed
- You have been willing to be still – when your inner child’s fear demanded that you leave before you could receive the gift that this experience came to bring you.
It’s now time to go – and don’t dally – or you will cause deep pain for yourself and your friend. Go – NOW!”
Was it painful to say my final goodbye? You bet it was. I really cared for this person and still do.
Was he angry, confused and hurt, despite all I could do to soothe, comfort and assure him? Absolutely!
Did I feel guilty for hurting someone who cared about me so deeply? Oh God, Yes! But, I had the tools to release any feelings of guilt for taking care of myself very quickly – the same tools I want to teach you how to use!
Was I tempted to change my mind, after convincing myself that I had made a huge mistake – and maybe I should bend myself into a pretzel just a little bit more in order to stay in this relationship? Or better yet, if he goes to therapy and becomes a “new thought guru” and changes who he is on an innate level – then surely, this can work out? Uh, Yeah!!!
Well, I didn’t change my mind, and I didn’t hang out in guilt, shame and regret.
I rode the storm. I rode the storm because I have a deep conscious connection to a God that adores me, and wants me to have the best.
I rode the storm because I KNOW that I am worthy deserving and good enough for my deepest heart’s desire, and what’s right for me.
And I had a deep newfound respect and trust for my intuition – in a way that I’d never had before.
The storm is over. The sun has broken through the clouds. I am at peace and so grateful that “I know what I know” and didn’t talk myself out of what I knew – even while I was in it.
I want the same for you my friends. There are so many of you reading this blog who are stuck in relationships, jobs, careers, and other situations where your soul is saying to you – “this isn’t right for you”. But you’ve numbed yourself out just enough to stay stuck in that which is not for your highest and best good – you’re settling. And it’s only going get harder, more painful, and louder until you simply can’t ignore it any longer.
I’ve been told many times, “Ester, I just can’t seem to walk away from this situation, and I know that I should.”
Here are the main reasons why you are feeling stuck in a relationship that is not right for you:
- There’s a huge gift waiting for you in this lesson
- You are dependent, attached, hard-wired, enslaved, and in bondage to the belief that you can’t do any better. That there is a great big void of nothingness waiting for you, if you let your current situation go.
- You are co-dependent, and so worried about other people’s feelings, that you are betraying your own feelings and abandoning your soul’s calling.
- You have disconnected from your authentic self of worthiness, deservingness and that you are good enough to have what you really want.
Here are the top five questions I am frequently asked on this subject:
- How do you know when the Universe is clearly saying LEAVE NOW – or when it’s saying SIT TIGHT – THERE’S A GIFT FOR YOU HERE?
- How do you leave someone that you’re in love with or care deeply about – but there are more bad times than good times in the relationship – and you know they’re just not right for you?
- How do you know the difference between your wounded imagination and your intuition?
- How do you leave a situation that is no longer serving you or the other person with compassion, integrity, empowerment, forgiveness, guilt free and grace?
- I do I heal the pattern of attracting relationships/jobs/health issues from a subconscious place of unworthiness, un-deservingness – feeling not good enough and lack?
I’d like to support you in quieting down the noise of confusion and fear, so that you can get some clarity about where you are, and how to take the next steps toward your healing.
First of all, let’s get clear about something: there is absolutely no shame in falling in love, desiring love or expressing love. You are made in the image and likes of Life Itself – and Its nature is love. So, your desire to express, receive and feel love – is as natural as sunshine. It’s just who you are.
But love – true love, will never ask you to compromise your authentic self. It will never ask you to “dummy” down and hide your light under a bushel, or to be “smaller” than your worthy, deserving and amazing self – regardless of the form that relationship takes – intimate relationships/family/career/clients, or whatever!
There will always be adjustments that need to be made in all relationships – and those adjustments are a natural part of your spiritual growth and development, when you and those involved are in alignment on a spiritual and emotional level.
But to change who the Universe created you to be, in order to hang on to a relationship, is emotional and spiritual death. It will eat you alive – until you reclaim your worthiness, deservingness and divine entitlement to all the good you can stand!
Let’s keep this conversation going. If you have questions, either comment below, or—if it’s private—email me personally by using the form below.
I’d love to hear from you, as well as support you on this important journey of healing.
I love you,
23 thoughts on “Walking Away from Someone You Really Care About”
Thank you ! this answered so many questions I had about past relationships and wat to pay attention to for a future relationship shpuld one arise!
Yes, my friend, stay AWAKE. No matter what the relationship is, partnership, family, career/job – listen to your heart – not logic or your fear, and everybody wins!
I loved your blog. Im stuck in a relationship i know is no good for me. I cant or couldnt walk away from it. But for the past year i feel it’s time. I just wanted the courage to break it gently to him. I honestly love and care deeply about this man. So this is going to hurt bad. But….. there is no gentle way when it comes to the heart. After reading your blog i realised i have to do this and this is it. I’ve learned my lessons and boy… i did! Thank you so much!
I read this and it reminded me of someone that I cared about and whom I thought of as a daughter and a good friend.
Long story very short,her actions made me feel like my feelings didn’t matter,like I didn’t matter.
Hurt like hell but I just broke of contact and just walked away.
In retrospect,it was the best thing to do and I’m much better off not dealing with the drama and narcissism.
Been over a year since all that and have not and will not look back.
Much better off without all that in my life.
Hi Doug, my deepest apologies for the delay in my response. You listened to your gut and moved on. Proud of you.
Thank you Esther this article was on point for me I did leave a relationship of 18 years almost 3 years ago.best decision I made.I just left a job that was not in alignment with my values or highest good..Each time my intuition/higher power told me to leave.I wrestled with both situations but the time came when it was clearly time to exit those relationships.Its only been a few days since leaving the job and I am feel so relieved..I want to help women to learn to love themselves and create Healthy relationships with themselves and others as a life coach.Thank you so much.It was perfect timing.
Sending Love and light
Thank you Carline. I’m so PROUD of you. It takes a lot of courage to walk away from a relationship that is no longer a vibrational match, yet, you’ve been in it for awhile and find yourself wrestling with your emotions and doubting yourself. You have claimed the courage and can now elegantly transition into the next ABUNDANT, WONDERFUL, EMPOWERING AND RICH season of your life.
I found this by doing a google search and it was what I needed to read. I just walked away from someone and my situation was just like yours. It was just magical and he nurtured me like I had not been treated before. It was about 4 months that it lasted. I had so many times wanted to walk away and couldn’t do it until just a few days ago. It hurts because I care deeply for him and have been second guessing myself because of how miserable I am even though I walked away. Reading this has helped quiet some of the storm that is residing in me. I think he was the lesson for me to learn to let go. I’m a co-dependent and I’m learning to say no and not settle for anything less then I feel I deserve or want.
Colleen, I am so sorry that it took me so long to reply to this. I am so proud of you that you listened to your intuition. Do your spiritual practice and trust the Universe. Love is clear, love is consistent, love is honest and present. Don’t settle for anything less. Love you, Ester
Thank you so much Ester for your inspirational words. I’m in the throes of finding my true self in this black hole of heartache and your words have made my decision very right and clear.
Hi Alva, my heart goes out to you beloved. Heartbreak sucks – let’s face it. Yet at the same time I am cheering for you and am so proud of you for taking a stand for your worthiness and value. Time doesn’t heal all wounds, but your connection to your higher power/authentic self will and does heal all wounds. Do the deep work, and you will come out on the other side. I promise. Let me know if I can be of service.
My heart goes out to you. Let’s face it heartbreak sucks! Yet, I am cheering you on and so happy that the Universe didn’t allow you to settle – even though you probably wanted to. There’s something so much better on the other side of your pain. Guess what that is? THE REAL YOU! Free, more deeply grounded, safe, empowered and BAD ASS! Congratulations beloved.
What is it Ester?
I just can’t settle for the normal.
I want and know that there’s better out there but I feel like it’s a battle.
Lately I’ve opened my mind to living in the past, living in a pattern and realised that’s where I’ve been all my life.
This past 6 months have been an awakening to me.
Heartache has come to teach me a lesson finally. Rock hard right now. Will it get better?
Wow, I needed that so bad, a wonderful article …. tell me in gets better 😦
It gets better if you do the work beloved.
Reblogged this on carmen and commented:
Wow. I like how gentle this is.
Wow this resonates with me SO much.
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years and we live together. We bought an engagement ring about 4 month ago, but aren’t yet engaged. After we bought it, I have had floods of doubts (although if I’m honest, to some degree those were always present, way deep down) – and I can’t seem to figure out why. He is a wonderful man, he treats me so well, and is so committed to me and our relationship. We are very different personalities, and while I used to think that was so great, I’m starting to feel like there isn’t enough compatibility or similar goals to work long-term. I keep wondering if I’m settling, or ignoring my intuition – or if I’m just afraid of missing out on my life’s bigger life work. We have been going to counseling, and he is doing the work, which is making me appreciate him and love him more deeply – but the doubts continue to linger. How do I know if I’m just convincing myself that this incredible, sweet, gentle man is not my soul’s intended partner, or if that is really the case? How to know if there is a lesson in this or if I’m just focusing too much on the negative? My heart is breaking every day, and I just can’t seem to make sense of it all. Any words of advice would be so appreciated!!
Carmen, my deepest apologies for just seeing your comment. Please let me know if I can still help. My email address is email@example.com
This is the best article l have read on recovery and healing and discovering the patterns that keep us stuck in the dance of unworthiness… a wise friend once told me there are kinder classrooms to learn to love yourself in than a painful relationship…
I hope you received my message concerning your upcoming visit to Pompano Beach (via the other link). Mark Evans, author of; ‘The Third Reading’. My profile is on Linkedin. I look forward to meeting you and attending your workshop.
Nice to meet you. I think I just accepted you on Linkedin. There were quite a few people with the same name. Mark Evans from Naples, right?
I look forward to meeting you in Pompano Beach.
Esther…this was such a beautiful read for me. Truly helping me during a rough time with your kind, gentle-yet to-the-point lesson..I truly appreciate it !
Lana, grateful that I was able to help. Blessings to you my friend.