Resentment – The #1 Killer

I thought for years that if I didn’t have the mother I had, I wouldn’t have been so screwed up. If I had boyfriends that were true and honest, I’d have felt loved. If I hadn’t gotten pregnant at sixteen, I’d get to do what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it. These mental chains held me in a self-imposed prison until I decided to set myself free through forgiveness and taking responsibility for the part I played in my own life.

Rewriting The “Victim” Story

Turning my will and entire life over to the care of a loving, all-powerful God gave me the courage to look at all this debris hanging out in my head, heart and soul. I felt an immediate shift as soon as I began writing my “victim story” about how people had screwed me over. I was blown away when I realized that my ego (the part of myself fighting for its survival) had made others accountable for my well-being. Writing it down transferred the garbage that was weighing me down out of my head and onto the paper where I could see it more clearly.

In order to see things the way they really were, I had to develop a willingness to face the truth and a level of honesty I didn’t even know I possessed.

I found out that I was a very wounded and frightened young lady—and I had acted out of those wounds and fears most of my life. I realized that I wasn’t totally blameless for how messed up my life had become. I saw the part I played, knowingly or unknowingly, in a lot of situations. I saw how my belief in my own victimhood allowed me to stay a victim.

It wasn’t easy to do this work. I wanted to keep hating my mother and blaming the men in my life for the way things had turned out. Blame was something I was used to. It was a familiar feeling.

Releasing Blame Is The Path To Freedom

I used blame as a lens through which I related to the world. It allowed me to be right, by holding onto my memories of the very real—and not so real—injustices that were perpetrated upon me. I’m not saying that people who abused me acted appropriately in any way. But there were times when I either placed myself in a position to be hurt, I held onto the hurt, or I felt like a victim because of another’s need to take care of themselves instead of taking care of me. Blame allowed me to avoid looking at issues that I did actually have some control over—issues that I was just not ready to address yet.

But holding onto blame and resentment did not get me a better life.

Releasing it did.

How Do You Know When You Still Resent Others?

How can you tell when you’re still living in resentment?

The person you have a story about is not allowed safe passage through your awareness when you think of them.

Your body does an involuntary jig, where you have sort of a clenching sensation in your gut when you think of the circumstances associated with that person. No matter how much you tell yourself you have forgiven, your spirit can’t embody the lie, and it reacts in your body when you think of that person or situation that caused you pain.

Why is it so difficult to release resentment?

I believe it’s because you cannot forgive the effect until you’ve healed the cause. The cause of your pain is not “out there.” It’s within your own core beliefs and wounded perceptions, which then get projected onto others. Those “others” then mirror back to you the false beliefs you hold about yourself.

How To Resolve Blame And Resentment

You can tell when you’re tuned into a negative channel, because you’re pissed off, miserable and full of fear. You could even suffer from physical exhaustion because the frequency of that channel acts as weights upon your body, mind and soul, causing feelings of hopelessness, depression and ill health. This is why it is so important to heal core wounds, transform your story from victimhood to wholeness, and release blaming your state-of-being on anything or anyone—including yourself.

You must forgive in order to be in alignment with your highest good—or your highest vibration.

– Excerpt from “Soul Recovery – 12 Keys To Healing Dependence”


4 thoughts on “Resentment – The #1 Killer

  1. Thanks Ester! I met you at Columbus Center for Spiritual Living a few years ago when you were our guest speaker, musician and facilitated a workshop. I loved it. I was searching for a good blog about sobriety and your’s popped up. Just what I needed at the moment and now I’m off to Amazon to order your book! I hope we cross paths again sometime soon:)


    1. Hi Kathy, OMG, I can’t believe how long it took me to reply to you. My apologies beloved. So grateful you found my blog and that it was helpful. I hope our paths cross again as well. Love, Ester


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