An Unexpected Gift

I was recently made an offer that blew my socks off. I thought, “this is just the boost my career needs, all of my problems will be solved, my life is going to be so much better,” and then – wham – the offer changed, and the rug was seemingly pulled out from under me.

I was on the floor with disappointment – I couldn’t understand why this opportunity had been dangled in front of me, just to be snatched away. In my distress I felt that I would’ve been better off if the offer had never been made. I was doing just fine, so I thought, without it.

But the offer was made. It was an opportunity that I had visualized about for quite awhile, and it seemed as if that vision had finally manifested, as if it were finally happening, and then – it didn’t.

What does all of this mean, I raged at God?

After much internal and sometimes external ranting and raging at the Universe for teasing me with the dangling carrot, and a firm determination to be mad at God forever and ever, Spirit came in with fresh flowers through the back door. Right in the middle of one of my rants, it whispered, “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.”

Wow, what was that?

A small opening in my heart. But remember, I’m still mad at God, so I give it the “hand,” I refuse to speak to it, LOL.

Another whisper – “Do not count on man with breath in his nostrils,” a quote by master teacher, Joel Goldsmith. I reluctantly dry my tears, something is started to stir within me – a memory of love. I took an involuntary breath of surrender – in spite of myself.

Another whisper – “I am your source and supply, count only on me.” My heart opens a little bit more. The pain starts to lessen. Another whisper – “I would never set you up for disappointment, you are my beloved, trust me – all is well – there’s something for you to learn here. I have a gift for you sweetheart.”

Okay, now I’m hooked, God has my attention, and is gently nudging me back home. My heart is opening, opening, and opening.

I stopped asking “why me, why did this happen, how could this have happened?” I began asking the question “what is the gift that this experience has come to bring me – what is it that I am to become aware of?

The answers began to flood my consciousness saying, “You have counted on people, places and conditions for far too long to make you whole. You have put your faith in external conditions as your fulfillment, abundance, approval and worthiness. You have outgrown that way of thinking Ester. It’s time to trust God and only God as your source. That’s why this lesson has come to you. Not to hurt you beloved, but to wake you up to another part of you that has been asleep to your own power.

The channel that you were depending on, that seems to have gone away, was never your source. I AM your infinite opportunity; I AM your unlimited possibility, why do you look to one channel as the “It” in your life? I AM your source – abandon yourself to only me.”

I’m fully awake now. I have been led safely home, with the full understanding that my vision is still active and alive. It is my responsibility to keep that vision as the activity of my consciousness, it is God’s responsibility to fulfill it in the perfect time, in the perfect way, and through the perfect channels (if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light, Mathew 6:22).

When the form or experience changes, it is simply making room for a higher demonstration (if you stay true to the vision).

Form is constantly shifting and changing, but the one Cause, Mind, Spirit remains the same. That’s why Jesus the Christ stated, “tear down this temple, and in three days I will rise again.”

Where are you counting on “man with breath in his nostrils” to make you whole? To whom and to what are you giving your power to?

I know it feels like that thing that you really want – the job, the relationship, the money, the house, the car, etc., is what’s going to take you home and make it all better. I know that you believe that the manifestation of those things is going to fix your life, but actually, the opposite of that belief is what is really true.

It is not the effect that’s going to make you happy, joyous and free. It’s your attitude of gratitude, consciousness of prosperity and fulfillment, and the willingness to serve others, that’s going to produce the desired effect. Most of us resist that awareness, because we don’t want to do the heavy lifting, or have the emotional and spiritual transformation that is needed to do the work from the inside-out, versus trying to “get it” from the outside-in. Getting the goodies without having to change seems like the easy route, but it’s a temporary illusion of instant gratification, and you’re going to end up faced with the same issues down the road.

Your work is to abandon yourself to God’s highest vision for your life, listen Its guidance, forgive those who have offended you, make amends to those you have offended, have as much fun and joy in your life as possible, stop thinking so much about yourself, and be of maximum service to others, set an intention for your life, move your feet in that direction, and get the heck out of the way.

When those desires take form, be grateful for them, but not enslaved by them, because as you grow and change, the form will change yet again, and if you’re too attached to it, it will take you down.

When something that you’ve become attached to doesn’t pan out, or when that which is familiar changes up on you, yes – you might feel grief, loss and sadness, but if you put God first, surrender, listen and be available to divine guidance, you will stand like the powerful tree planted by the water. You might bend and sway a little, but you will not break – you will reset, and be made new yet again.

“They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” _Jeremiah 17:8

7 thoughts on “An Unexpected Gift

  1. Just the perfect thing I needed to read. Going through a HUGE transition of leaving Agape & L.A. To my hometown in CT. It’s been 5 months now of one difficulty after another since the day I left…another initiation. I ask God, “what am I doing here?” And I have no money coming in and down to my last $15 and a job was given to me to provide food & shelter only for it to be taken away before I even started. As Homer Simpson best put it, “what duh…?” But you are right, Ester. Something greater is coming that’s in alignment with my intention. That job was certainly not. Love you!


    1. I’ve been there, done that Susan, and I can promise you, that if you continue to do your spiritual work, forgive and keep moving forward, the disappointment will turn into one of the greatest gifts you’ve ever had. Love you, Ester


    2. I really enjoyed reading your post and am looking forward to something like that happening in my life. I need an awakening of inspiration.


  2. Hello Ester can you please help me out.I have been trying really hard to move ahead in my career for the last 10 years and now the things have honing back in reverse instead of getting better. I had finished my CGA studies almost 6 yrs ago but didn’t get the job to fulfill the experience requirement and now I have to study Again as it now merged with CPA. I started in customer SERV n then collections n finally entry level job in acounting but it started going backwards last yr as I had to study again and my contract was not extended and went back to collections and I got the boss which can’t deal with.


    1. Hi Beloved, it seems to me that you have a deep unworthiness, undeservingness and feelings of not being good enough issues for the level of career and work that you really want, and that you subconsciously sabotage yourself. You don’t do this on purpose, and I KNOW how frustrating it is when you have tried so hard to move forward, just to keep recycling back to where you’ve already been. But when you are hardwired to the beliefs in unworthiness or not being good enough, you send out energy to the Universe that reflects that back to you. It’s like having one foot on the accelerator where you’re ready to ROCK, and the other foot on the break, and your life is a series of starts and stops. You’ve got to heal what’s going on deep inside. Get clear about what you really believe about yourself. You may WANT a better job, higher level career, but do you believe in every bone of your body that you deserve it, are worthy of it, and are good enough for it? You don’t get what you want, you get what you believe. Let me know if you’d like to set up a private session to start healing those core beliefs. Wishing you many, many blessings. Ester


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