I was recently made an offer that blew my socks off. I thought, “this is just the boost my career needs, all of my problems will be solved, my life is going to be so much better,” and then – wham – the offer changed, and the rug was seemingly pulled out from under me.
I was on the floor with disappointment – I couldn’t understand why this opportunity had been dangled in front of me, just to be snatched away. In my distress I felt that I would’ve been better off if the offer had never been made. I was doing just fine, so I thought, without it.
But the offer was made. It was an opportunity that I had visualized about for quite awhile, and it seemed as if that vision had finally manifested, as if it were finally happening, and then – it didn’t.
What does all of this mean, I raged at God?
After much internal and sometimes external ranting and raging at the Universe for teasing me with the dangling carrot, and a firm determination to be mad at God forever and ever, Spirit came in with fresh flowers through the back door. Right in the middle of one of my rants, it whispered, “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.”
Wow, what was that?
A small opening in my heart. But remember, I’m still mad at God, so I give it the “hand,” I refuse to speak to it, LOL.
Another whisper – “Do not count on man with breath in his nostrils,” a quote by master teacher, Joel Goldsmith. I reluctantly dry my tears, something is started to stir within me – a memory of love. I took an involuntary breath of surrender – in spite of myself.
Another whisper – “I am your source and supply, count only on me.” My heart opens a little bit more. The pain starts to lessen. Another whisper – “I would never set you up for disappointment, you are my beloved, trust me – all is well – there’s something for you to learn here. I have a gift for you sweetheart.”
Okay, now I’m hooked, God has my attention, and is gently nudging me back home. My heart is opening, opening, and opening.
I stopped asking “why me, why did this happen, how could this have happened?” I began asking the question “what is the gift that this experience has come to bring me – what is it that I am to become aware of?
The answers began to flood my consciousness saying, “You have counted on people, places and conditions for far too long to make you whole. You have put your faith in external conditions as your fulfillment, abundance, approval and worthiness. You have outgrown that way of thinking Ester. It’s time to trust God and only God as your source. That’s why this lesson has come to you. Not to hurt you beloved, but to wake you up to another part of you that has been asleep to your own power.
The channel that you were depending on, that seems to have gone away, was never your source. I AM your infinite opportunity; I AM your unlimited possibility, why do you look to one channel as the “It” in your life? I AM your source – abandon yourself to only me.”
I’m fully awake now. I have been led safely home, with the full understanding that my vision is still active and alive. It is my responsibility to keep that vision as the activity of my consciousness, it is God’s responsibility to fulfill it in the perfect time, in the perfect way, and through the perfect channels (if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light, Mathew 6:22).
When the form or experience changes, it is simply making room for a higher demonstration (if you stay true to the vision).
Form is constantly shifting and changing, but the one Cause, Mind, Spirit remains the same. That’s why Jesus the Christ stated, “tear down this temple, and in three days I will rise again.”
Where are you counting on “man with breath in his nostrils” to make you whole? To whom and to what are you giving your power to?
I know it feels like that thing that you really want – the job, the relationship, the money, the house, the car, etc., is what’s going to take you home and make it all better. I know that you believe that the manifestation of those things is going to fix your life, but actually, the opposite of that belief is what is really true.
It is not the effect that’s going to make you happy, joyous and free. It’s your attitude of gratitude, consciousness of prosperity and fulfillment, and the willingness to serve others, that’s going to produce the desired effect. Most of us resist that awareness, because we don’t want to do the heavy lifting, or have the emotional and spiritual transformation that is needed to do the work from the inside-out, versus trying to “get it” from the outside-in. Getting the goodies without having to change seems like the easy route, but it’s a temporary illusion of instant gratification, and you’re going to end up faced with the same issues down the road.
Your work is to abandon yourself to God’s highest vision for your life, listen Its guidance, forgive those who have offended you, make amends to those you have offended, have as much fun and joy in your life as possible, stop thinking so much about yourself, and be of maximum service to others, set an intention for your life, move your feet in that direction, and get the heck out of the way.
When those desires take form, be grateful for them, but not enslaved by them, because as you grow and change, the form will change yet again, and if you’re too attached to it, it will take you down.
When something that you’ve become attached to doesn’t pan out, or when that which is familiar changes up on you, yes – you might feel grief, loss and sadness, but if you put God first, surrender, listen and be available to divine guidance, you will stand like the powerful tree planted by the water. You might bend and sway a little, but you will not break – you will reset, and be made new yet again.
“They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” _Jeremiah 17:8